Howdy friends this is Johnny Bond.
When I was a kid one time
I was digging around in our attic
and I stumbled across an
old dime novel
entitled Ten Nights in a Barroom.
Now I never got a chance to read that book
but many's the time
that I've imagined what it was like.
Shall we daydream together?
Here's an old frontier town,
there's the saloon,
the doors swing open and
inside we hear,
there is a tavern in the town,
in the town,
and there my true love sits and down,
sits and down,
and drinks his wine as merry as can be,
and never, never thinks of me.
Fare thee well, for I must leave you,
do not let the parting grieve you,
and remember that the very
best of friends must part.
Adieu, adieu, kind friends, adieu, yes, adieu,
I can no longer stay with you,
stay with you, ho, ho,
I'll hang my heart on a weeping little tree,
and may the world go well with thee.
Now that we're inside the saloon,
let's meet the bartender.
His name is Bottle in Bond,
the bashful, brow -beaten,
brainwashed, birdbrain bartender,
and here he is.
The bar is open.
Ah, here comes my first drunk,
I mean customer.
How do you do, sir?
What'll you have?
Oh, wouldn't you like to know?
You don't like me, do you?
I believe that you are undoubtedly the ugliest man
I ever saw in my life. Ah, you're drunk.
Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober.
Sticks and stones.
Look, do you want a drink or don't you?
You talked me into it.
I'll have a martini,
but you gotta make it my way.
And just what is your way?
I'm gonna tell you.
You take two gallons of gin.
Two gallons of gin it is.
One tenth of a drop of vermouth.
Light on the vermouth.
No ice.
Lukewarm. No olive.
No olive, oh no.
Now, that's some martini.
Would you like me to rub a little bit of lemon
peel around the edge of the glass?
Look, Buster, if I wanted a lemonade,
I'd ask for it.
Ha ha ha!
Dig my grave both wide and deep,
wide and deep
Place tombstones at my head and feet,
head and feet
Ho ho and on my chest
Just carve a turtle dove
To signify I died for love
Fare thee well for I must leave thee
Do not let the parting grieve thee
And remember that the very
best of friends must part
Adieu, adieu, kind friends, adieu, yes, adieu
I can no longer stay with you, stay with you
Ho, ho, I'll hang my heart
on a weeping rose tree
Fare thee well, fare thee well, fare thee well